let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
