My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if only i could text you this smell
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry about my life...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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