"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
