Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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