im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
