they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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