Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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