i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
