even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
