All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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