The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
