Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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