the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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