I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
