he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom