I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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