Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize