it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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