Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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