I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
do nipples grow back?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
