My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you had me at cake vodka
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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