Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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