I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
