Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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