They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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