The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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