That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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