when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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