Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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