Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
