and you said cock pushups were impossible
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
