i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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