I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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