worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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