My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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