I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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