I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
