she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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