it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
