I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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