Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
