..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize