Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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