...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
