There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
