umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
