We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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