I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize