WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
