I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
