we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
