I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
