even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
