remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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