i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
