Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
