i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
