I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
