I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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