Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
