Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
