So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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