it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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