I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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