I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Panties = found
Randomize
