i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
