I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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