What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
