The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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