is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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