I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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